Non-Traditional Wine Pairings That Make Perfect Sense

According to people who know stuff about wine pairings, Chardonnay goes well with Salmon.  I have yet to see any recommendations for wine and farm-chore pairing, so I came up with my own…

Fence Fixin’— one of the least satisfying chores on the farm.  Unlike mowing or building something, your only sense of gratification is knowing that you stand a better chance of finding your horses in the field the next day.  Your field, not your neighbors.  Important distinction.
Fence-fixin’ is mundane and therefore well-suited for something pedestrian, high-alcohol, and energizing.  I recommend a low-end Dry Riesling mixed with Red Bull.  In a sippy cup.  Possibly with ice.  Also safety glasses, I definitely recommend safety glasses.

Feed me!

Feedin’ critters — a rewarding task but also the fastest possible avenue to dispose of hard-earned cash.  You think gamblers have a problem blowing money?  Try looking out your window to see your horses’ heads buried in the hay manger while they are pooping at the same time.  Your critters are like a cuddly but defective slot machine.
This chore is also burdened with an air of urgency.  No matter how much you feed or how early you do it, it’s too little too late according to your critters.
If you feed hay, you’ll enjoy a Chenin Blanc to go with the green spring smell of hay.  Chenin Blanc also goes with the smell of money, which you are kissing good-bye.

B’nure management — If you farm your entire world revolves around manure (which my cousin always called b’nure).  You constantly look at it, kick it, smell it, compost it, move it, compare it, and talk about it with the few friends who get it.  A manure pile is the equivalent of an MRI, nutritional analysis, blood sample, dental x-ray, and general physical.  (I also use it during horse lessons — if I can pelt a student with a road-apple, they’re too close.)
For all aspects of b’nure management except anything involving a trebuchet, a good hearty red pairs well with the earthiness of manure.  I usually drink Lemberger in a sippy cup (lid closed except immediately before and after drinking)  for b’nure-related chores.  Obviously, a trebuchet requires beer.  (Busch, in case you’re wondering.  Cases of the stuff.)

Some farm chores/wine pairings I’m still working on.  For instance, I still can’t decide what I like for garden weedin’ and for hanging out the laundry.  Obviously, I’ll just have to experiment.  I’ll keep you posted!

I originally wrote this because I was going to write a review of the fancy-schmancy wine sippy cup that is making the rounds.  We bought two to test them.  One is awesome and one is awful.  So, I guess that’s my review.  Sort of a “well, good luck to ya” kind of thing.